Welcome to my thoughts...

I fucking hate you!

3 days ago
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I don't care anymore! I don't! You've been nothing more than a problem in my life! A damn pest! To think I ever let someone as cruel as you in my life....

Who am I kidding? Hate me all you want... I know I don't. I never will because I know that what we had was special...

You may want me dead and that's okay... I'll live just not anywhere near you...

I called you for help and you let me die-

A mile away,

A tear in my eye,

And yet to you I go.

Hoping...

Hoping that boy from so long ago;

Will remember me;

And will help,

A hand he will give for me to hold...

But instead the tear slips and nowhere near is he;

That boy from so long ago.

No, he died that night...

When my heart was won by someone else;

He tore his out and bled.

Such sorrow will never be understood,

For his heart will never truly mend-

Oh,

That boy from so long ago.

Random fact of the day!

3 days ago
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Number 5!

Did you know that the United States of America has no set language like other countries do?

Weird isn't it?

Random fact of the day!

4 days ago
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Number 4! Woot Woot!

So did you know that last year the word of the year was w00t?

Don't believe me? Google it!

Random fact of the day!

4 days ago
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Woo and we are on to number 3! I will lose count sometime XD

So you know that the myth of "nothing rhymes with the word orange"?

No? Well now you do! Anyways...

It's not true... the word porridge (like what goldilocks ate at the house of the three bears) rhymes!

They lied to us all these years... =(

Waking up...

5 days ago
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So today is what? Tuesday? Yep. Okay...

Today is Tuesday! Hooray? Point is... it is voting day and while most of New Jersey is sound asleep I have to be up getting ready for school. -____- Damn... I really need those extra hours of sleep...

I had a terrible night. My friend had a break down which led to the ultimate destruction of our friendship (in his eyes). He figures that because we are seniors caring is pointless and apparently doesn't realize that I always try to be there. It's sad but as a good friend, I will just give him some space. My heart hurts though... I really thought he'd be a friend for life... turns out I thought him more of a friend than he saw me. That sucks; but it's life. Regardless I know that if he ever decides to notice that I really am here for him... well, I will be right there waiting.

Is that stupid? Probably...

Oh well.

Moving on... bad dreams...

Hate them. Waking up in a cold sweat, heart racing, fists clenched so hard your skin is snowy white... it's just horrible. The dreams themselves I wish not to discuss but when they are in such sequential order I can't help but wonder if they have a meaning... Maybe? Who knows? =/

But oh well, I'm awake, listening to music, relaxing/getting ready, and realizing that I am about to be late because I just got out of the shower. Damn it....

This will be a bad day... I can feel it...

Lost and found...

5 days ago
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So... have you ever liked someone and after a while realized they were great big jerks? Yeah...

Sucks doesn't it? I think so.

Let me tell you about something that happened to me...

So a couple of years back I liked this boy who was "new" to my school. He was known to be the great big asshole but to me he was really kind and I liked that...

Well fast forwarding a bit...

So we started dating... things were nice, better than I expected actually. Well, it was short lived. We dated for about two months and then I started to realize that maybe he was actually molding into that asshole that he pretended to be in front of his friends...

In my mind I knew he wasn't that bad...

In fact, most people know he's a good person when he doesn't try desperately hard to impress his douche bag friends... But back to the point...

After breaking up he asked me back out (now, I admit, although I like assholes to some extent he had gone too far), I rejected him. I couldn't stand this new person... He was awful and I was determined to stay away. Well after rejecting him; he got back at me. (He isn't used to rejection... can you tell?) Well he tried to create a reputation for me... a horrible one.

He made me out to be some sex story author... seriously what the hell? Well naturally I didn't like that but I fought back in my own way. I ignored him and his friends... their comments... their existence even. Everything was fine. I was happy and they were all scum bags. Haha

Well this was working perfectly until I started to notice these random days when he would flirt with me. I thought he was just being an ass so I ignored him... until this year...

This year he decided to email me after about a week of constant flirting. He said he got a new phone and needed my cell number... I was skeptical to say the least. I told him I didn't have my phone and considered that the end. He instead gave me his. Well I kept it and figured I would never touch it... Well after a couple more emails, and flirting in school he finally just sent me a message telling me to IM him. I said no, he could IM me... he was on his phone and didn't have AIM yet...

I said fine w.e and IMed his phone. Since then we talk a lot more.. it's fun =]

But I am starting to realize that I like how he can be an asshole and yet be nice to me... I think I'm crazy -_-

I don't know what else to write about this... ugh... thoughts? email it. Thanks =]

Random fact of the day!

6 days ago
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Bwahaha NUMBER 2!

And in honor of this number and its well known double meaning....

Your poop is made up of water! 75% of it actually... unless it is diarrhea in which case it has more!

I actually got that off a website... woo google! The link is below....

http://thepoopman00.tripod.com/id1.html

Why someone wrote about this... I don't know but hell, it made me laugh. =]

Random fact of the day!

7 days ago
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Okay so I have decided that I will take about five minutes everyday from now on to post a random fact that I just learned or that I remembered. Today (November 1st) is the first time I will do this!

Okay!

Did you know that you cannot fold a piece of paper in half more than six times?

Don't believe me? Try it out yourself! =]

My seventeenth birthday...

Oct 16, 2009
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Alright so today is the day I turned seventeen. Happy birthday to myself.

Want to know how it went? No? Well then don't read on...

I need to vent and so ta-da! Today was a HORRIBLE day (for the most part).

I woke up late this morning, which is never good. Next, my father and mother decided to scream at me. Father yelled about the time, mother, about everything else. Did you all know that I am worthless? Dress like a bum? Act like an arrogant asshole? Oh, and I'm a mistake! Well, yeah, according to mommy dearest, I am all of the above! Hooray (note the sarcasm)! Oh and neither said happy birthday....

I went to the car and on my way to the bus I kept getting yelled at, but I just stayed quiet. My bus almost left me, but after much honking (by mother) my bus driver finally pulled over and I got in. My one friend said happy birthday and then after ten minutes someone was nice enough to give me three inches of their seat. Not much but at that point any form of kindness was welcome.

I got to school, no said anything. Oh well, I told not to make a big deal so I wasn't upset. I just put on a smile and walked to my first period class. My teacher greeted me and with a small smile to her I took my seat, pulled on a sweater and went on with my life. I got through my work, answered questions, and such then my friend came up to me at the end of class. She was half asleep, made me move and gave me a lazy hug. "Happy bir...." that was all I understood because she yawned. I didn't care. It was better than nothing. Right? Well in my next class I had a test, a test of which I didn't know the answers to nine questions... I started off with a 91.... ugh!

Time for my co-curricular! I went to bridge building and just drew up the plan for the bridge I want. They most likely won't use it, but hey at least I tried. Lunch time, my friends.. no where to be found. My mood was shot, my hopes destroyed, and freezing cold rain, with no jacket or sweater (my friend took his sweater back during my test, my friend didn't know it was my birthday [we've been friends for three years]). I didn't care anymore, at least I pretended not to; oh did I mention that I was grounded and my iTouch got taken away, so my only comfort for school was gone. Well I got lunch, pizza I think, I didn't eat, I went to sit in the furthest table, pushed my food away and put my head in my hands. I let a few tears fall, said "it'll be fine Zhanty" (yeah, I spoke to myself).

Lunch ended and I walked to my next class, I had another test. I am good at that class so I was happy thinking I'd do fine. Nope. I drew a blank. I failed, there is no doubt. I handed my test in said "Sorry, I drew a blank..." My teacher gave me that 'I'm sorry' look and said happy birthday. I smiled went to my locker. I borrowed my friends phone, and decided to text my on-again-off-again boyfriend of three years (who just so happens to be one of my best friends). 'Are you here? I really need a hug... pathetic.. but I do. It's been awful!' I sent it and threw my backpack in my locker. Just then I felt arms circle around me. I'd know that hug anywhere. He was there and for a brief moment my terrible day was perfect. I turned around and hugged him, "Hey, I've missed you." I whispered to him. He kissed my cheek and huged me, "I missed you too. But, I'm here now. I'll be here until the twenty-seventh." I held him for a bit until I realized I'd be late to class. "I have to go, are you coming to my class or are you going with the rest of the visitors?"

Hoping for a good answer I gave his hand a slight squeeze. "I'm going with them. I'll give you a ride home though, okay?" I nodded and walked away. "I feel bad now" he said as he caught up to me. "Don't just go I have to go to class. [The principle] is subbing." I ran up the stairs, went to a computer and booted it up. Logging into my email I realized that my friend from Connecticut emailed me. Her emails always brighten up my day. She wrote a lovely email and wished me a happy birthday. I was so happy, my other friends came in and all hugged me. They wished me a happy birthday and we all laughed and joked around. It was a good class. The day ended and my (don't know what to call him so we'll say friend) friend was waiting for me at the steps. I grabbed his hand, he kissed me and I smiled. We walked to his car and everything felt great.

The car ride was nice, he took me to his friend (my acquaintance) and he hugged me tightly, and spun me around "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHANTY!" I laughed and told them both all about my horrible birthday. My friend hugged me and they just tackle hugged me which made me feel so much better. They took me home, I hugged them both said thank you and walked in my hell hole of a home. My sister and little brother said happy birthday and hugged me. It was sweet and lightened my mood. Then I told my sister of my day and I was bummed again. I stayed home, ate, slept, my father came, woke me up, hugged me (which was awkward), gave me a fifty, and said "Happy birthday, I love you. Okay?" I nodded mumbled a thank you and watched him leave. I hadn't felt so alone until that moment. Until it hit me that my family didn't care at all. He said because I heard my sister yell at him.

I cried and fell back asleep. I slept until seven. Was woken up by my mother. I had an oreo cookie ice cream sandwich thing (I don't know what it's called) and blew out a candle. My parents took me to eat stake and my one cousin came (my sister told her to). We ate and I really only talked to my nine year old brother. Well then I rented movies, came home, changed, called my friend and then my best friend. I spoke to them for ten minutes. I downloaded music on my computer (well it's mine and my sister's [mainly hers] but what ever). Then I wrote this.

My birthday has been awful. But oh well.

Happy birthday Zhantal. That's what I'll end this with...

What some of my friends think love means...

Jul 23, 2009
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By: Px3

Well i think love is a complicated thing to define because i believe it varies and there's so many types of love. Like you mentioned puppy, friend, romantic, etc.
The love ill try to focus on is the romance one because i feel that's the hardest one to explain. You can love at different points in your life but its never the same experience, romantic love is very unique in that sense. To love someone romantically is a very hard thing to do for some because in order to truly love someone in a romantic sense you give that person so much power over you that there must be an unshakable amount of trust. I also believe you cannot romantically love multiple people at the same time, once someone has your heart that's it they are the "apple of your eye" no matter who you end up with. Though with all these risks and restrictions comes a very bright side.. a person who loves another person as there significant other gets to experience a pinnacle of happiness that i personally don't believe can be matched by anything in this world.. it also makes you the most caring person in the world in the sense that you would do anything for your lover.. i think that's beautiful to be willing to lay your life for someone you love.. although i personally wouldn't accept it. It feels nice knowing there someone who would do the that for you and it feels even better feeling you'd do that for the girl/guy you love. But love isn't just who would sacrifice what for the other its also loving every aspect of the other person.. even the things that would normally grind your every nerve when this person does it they do it with "flare" in your eyes... its weird but sometimes with true love the other person just being alive can be the thing you long for.. not always can you say oh i love him/her because of this and that.. but you love them just because.. there is nothing rational they don't do some petty trial that convinces you oh that's love.. it could be the way they say your name.. how they stay up with you every night.. how they make you feel like the hottest piece of ass alive =].. even just there smile and little quirks in there personality that can send you head over heels for that special some one... That's why love can only be defined by the two lovers because its what they love about each other that's lets them say after they hang up or as they walk away from each other " Damn I love this girl/boy!"

(My comment on this - this is an absolutely beautiful answer in my opinion and for the most part I agree)

By: Richie Rich

Love is when you can't put your feelings for someone into words. When you are so wowed by them that you can't put words together. Where you cry at the thought of being apart; and that is wat love means to me

Anyone else?